imabiscuitinthousandworlds:

durnesque-esque:

memingursa:

Guy certainly knows about it

I know this is long, but I beg of you, listen to the whole thing. It’s important. It’s worth it. Please, please watch ‘til the end.

blackwoolncrown:

theconcealedweapon:

fem-fatalist:

ralfmaximus:

huffylemon:

Years ago I overheard (eavesdropped upon) a telephone conversation between a public parks official and a golf course owner.

Parks Official: No sir, you cannot

Parks Official: No. They are a protected species

Parks Official: You CANNOT shoot them

Parks Official: Or poison them, no. Or trap them

Parks Official: If you like, we can– no, I’m it. I’m the ranking official here. There’s nobody above me. My boss? You mean… the governor’s office? Sure, I guess. Okay bye

After he hung up, he gave me this thousand-yard stare before answering my unvoiced question.

“There’s a flock of flamingos at the 9th green disrupting golfers. He wanted permission to go out there with a shotgun and take care of matters, but sensed there might be… legal ramifications. So he called us.”

I laughed. “Does that happen often?”

“Oh, we get calls like that a couple times a month.”

Country clubs should be burned to the ground and their golf courses turned into community gardens i am 10000% serious

Was golf created for the sole purpose of hoarding ridiculously large amounts of land just to brag about how little they use it?

Yes, literally.

jamesrocks:

Keep reading

dat-soldier:

Spiderman meets my Spidersona

beltsquid:

Twitter: what level of enshittification are you on?
Tumblr: I dunno, 4, maybe 5? We took away the ability to easily go directly to an individual post off the dashboard and we’re still trying to Pivot to Streaming
Twitter: you are like little baby. watch this
Twitter: [BANS READING POSTS]

sraithpics:

solipseismic:

memecucker:

destroyscythe-heck:

poesimark:

There’s a branch of the Medicis that moved to Ireland and now are running a successful chain of fried chicken restaurants which is a very different vinbe from when they were like buying popes and stuff

The current heir to the main branch of the Hapsburg family is an endurance race car driver

#if he got rid of some middle names i bet he would be more aerodynamic and better at racing via @/honeyseller

Correction: it’s not the Medicis who run the Dublin fried chicken shops, but the direct decendants of the enemies of the Medici; the Borgias. The chain is called Borza and is better known for fish and chips. They moved to Ireland in the early 20th century. They are also said to have introduced the deep fried Mars bar from Scotland to Ireland.

hyperbali:

hyperbali:

hyperbali:

I kept the error message for posterity lol

So far this seems to mean “every tweet you scroll past counts as reading it” so it means that the entire thing is breaking down for you within minutes

Phony Stark literally strangling it to death

Oh this’d do it

traegorn:

everythingeverywhereallatonce:

Sweatbox 2: Electric Boogaloo?

shelbybunny:

what the hell is in my drink

hungwy:

Let’s all go to McDonald’s and ask if they have the White Gilgamesh. The spirit of Enkidu will rise up from the underworld and with his rage rend the sky in two, cause mountains to shiver away in fear, dry up the canals and marshes, and split the earth into a thousand canyons!